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The Menninism 1ac

Here is the famous Menninism Affirmative, by request.

The debaters were John Groen (1a), Sean Smith (2a), Ameet Soni (2n) and poor Joe Hadeed (1n). None of the content is meant to offend anyone, and if it does please tell me so i can remove it. It was all meant in good fun (this is mostly directed toward Steph and Joe, who were really good sports). Without further ado..



The Menninism 1AC


Overview:

Everyone has heroes...Churchill, FDR, Jerrell and Livshiz...but for some reason some are not respected. Those people are WHIPPED. In the words of Nancy Lauer, "I cite Joe Hadeed...whipped by Stephanie Diamond." There are other cases as well.

Our journey begins with

Observation I- Inherency/Harms

1. Joe is p-whipped without the p

Sean Smith, almost the smartest man alive, 2000
I quote Stephanie saying "I can vouch that Joe is not getting any." This was as recent as JSK. He is not getting any despite writing poetry for her. Also, he is always calling her "Stepher." Also, he rides in the backseat every day to school while her friend sits shotgun. There are no complaints.


2. NUMBER TWO WAS STOLEN..OR LOST NOT UNLIKE THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS, BECAUSE THIS CASE IS THE BIBLE OF MENNISIM AFFIRMATIVES


3. Being whipped emperically leads to bad shit

Greg Rudy, raptor and Ellen's student, 2000
I was whipped. It sucks. I masturbate. Continuously. It makes me angry and violent. And I want to entrench capitalism.


4. This could happen to you, Joe Hadeed

John Groen, fellow and smart guy as well, 2000
Watch out Joe it could happen.


5. Being whipped like this must be rejected at every step no matter the cost

Smith, 2000
Look guys- you are mocked. You spend all of your time with your girls. This has got to stop. I don't care if it causes congressional legislation causing nuclear war- it must be stopped.


6. Emperically, it sucks to be whipped

Dennis Lucasik, a Luckasuck, 2000
I am a product of the system. I am being opressed because I am very whipped. I can't write cards for you, sorry.


7. Women belong in the kitchen

Mal Hulbani, um..some dude, 2000
Women belong in the kitchen.


8. We don't listen to Mal, he's on crack

Us, 2000
See above- Mal's on crack.


9. Bring whipped=war=extinction

Matt Groen, Fellow and best judge ever, 2000
Women will whip us and then take over the world. If it was that time of the month, they'd fire that fuckin bomb. We all die.


10. Joe will kill us all-Ameet leave the dark side and be the 3A

Us, 2000
Joe causes Steph to rule the world, and we die. I love her to death but we can't risk it. The only way to fix this is for Joe's current debate partner in this round to join us to be the 3A. This saves the real world.


11. This just in-he's real whipped

Smith, 2000
10 seconds ago he couldn't even find Livshiz without Steph!


12. Must adhere to the Rock- be strong like he and not Steph

The Rock, people's champion, 2000
Know your role and shut your mouth!


PLAN:

Through the reccomdations of:

Groen, Braden and Joe Siegman, we will make a constitutional amendment passed by congress to include menninism as the core value of scondary schools and instructed as such. We will ask Ameet, a known Menninist to join our side and now abandon the p-whipped Joe, otherwise condemned as a known mennite. Any questions, we'll clarify-PLEASE!

Observation II- Solvency- Know your role and shut your mouth!

1. Menninism is the way to save the world from the inevitable doom and destruction of the p-whipped nation and thus the world's death

Matt Groen, Prof of Sexual Relations of cows, from The Foolish Heads website (http://listen.to/foolish), 1999
Nuclear war will devistate the world 15x over if the menninist movement does not win. Additionally, Jenny will run my life and Jerrell's life forever.


2. Menninism increases academic achievement 500% for all students

Chris Jericho, our savior (John's savior), in Y2J..erY2K
If menninism wins over academic acheivment, it will never be low again.


3. Menninism will solve for education because it creates a fundamental foundation for equality

Soni and Soni, twins, 2000
The menninsit movement will qualize everything and further minorities until they are equalized. It's a win-win situation.


4. Menninism will allow Livshiz to get women

JL, coach, 2000
Livshiz could never get women now but with plan he'll get more play that [certain debater's name]'s dad at a vegetable shop.


5. Menninism is directly correlated to exciting Swedish women, Groen concludes in 2000

Dude, Swedes are hot and they love the men. Thus, there is a clear natural correlation between menninism and hot sex with Swedes. Jerrell this means you will no longer be cock-blocked.


And thus ends our journey. Hope you liked it. Home.